Joke Time

Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What is taking so long?"

"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Dave explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good lord," his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
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The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cock fight being held in the area around Lafayette, and duly dispatched the infamous Detective Desormeaux to investigate.

He reported to his sergeant the next morning. "Dey is tree main
groups in dis cock fightin'" he began.

"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.

Desormeaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"

"Well," was the reply, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight. I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in de fight."

The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Desmoreaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns were involved wen summbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?"

"De duck won."
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Two football players are taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not be allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

The first player is stumped. He has no idea of the answer, but he knows he has to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor was not watching, he taps his fellow player on the shoulder: "Pssst, what is the answer to the last question?"

The other football player laughs. After making sure the professor had not noticed he whispers back: "You are so stupid. Everyone knows Old Macdonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," says the first player, "I remember now." He picks up his No. 2 pencil and starts to write the answer in the blank -- but then he stopped. "Hey," he whispers, "how do you spell farm?"

"Geez, you really are dumb," whispers back the other player. That is so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."