It's May 7th

A guy walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer and lit up a smoke, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie." Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty, except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar.

A few sips later, the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.

"Say what?" replied the man in disbelief.

"You heard me," said the barkeep, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
____________________________________________________________________________________
"My Daddy always told me if you hang around with smart people, some smart will rub off on you, and if you hang around with dumb people, some dumb will rub off on you, but if you hang around with rich people, you will go broke picking up dinner tabs." -Tommy Earl Bruner, in Dan Jenkin's classic Baja Oklahoma

In Boston, they ask, how much does he know? In New York, what is he worth? In Philadelphia, who were his parents? -Mark Twain

I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn. -Henry David Thoreau

Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. -Robert A. Heinlein

I have all the money I will ever need...as long as I die before 4 o'clock. -Henny Youngman

Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -Mark Twain

Powered by ScribeFire.