"rimshot"

One from the gang:

3 boys in a schoolyard are bragging about their fathers .
Billy : "Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper , calls it a poem , and they give him $50."
Bobby : "Oh , yeah ? My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper , calls it a song , and they give him $100 ."
Ricky : "I got you both beat . My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper , calls it a sermon , and it takes eight people to collect the money !"

And another from that worthless bunch:

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, . . . ."Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?!?!?!?!?!"

This one sucks, but AS thought it was funny enough to pass along:

50th Anniversary

On the evening of their 50th anniversary, a reminiscing wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired Marine pilot, and said: "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said:"Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what was it?"she asked. He was not much in the mood for this, but, he sighed and responded, "Well, honey, as I remember, I said; 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.' "
She giggled and said; "Yes dear, that's it. That's exactly what you said.
So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and replied, . . . . .. "Mission accomplished."