HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX :
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE-nicks".
There are other names to learn such as Ahwatukee(Ah-wah-TOO-kee) but
those will be included in the advanced course.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number.
Anything less
is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler
go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second.
However, East Valley , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have
the
right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
get
you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners,
rattlesnakes, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. The Maricopa Freeway, The Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same
road. SR202 is the same road as Loop 202 and The Red Mountain Freeway.
SR51 is also known as Piestewa Parkway, but no one can pronounce
Piestewa so it is still called by its politically incorrect former name,
the Squaw Peak
Parkway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street. Jefferson becomes
Washington but they are not the same street. Loop 101 is also known as
the Pima Freeway except when it is west of I-17. I-17 is also The Black
Canyon Freeway and The Veterans Memorial Highway. The Loop 303 does not
loop anywhere. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd., but Cactus
Rd. does not become Thunderbird Rd. because it deadends at a mountain.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder
immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone,
you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If
you
return the flip, you could be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your
hands.
13. True Phoenicians ALWAYS seek to park in a shady spot, even before
the sun has risen, and no matter how far the parking space is from the
office/store/restaurant. This is why you will see cars widely scattered
around a parking lot instead of clustered in one place; these people
arrived early to park in covered spaces or under trees.
14. If the driver stopped in front of you at a red light suddenly opens
his
passenger side door, it is advisable to quickly avert your eyes before
he spits out his chewing tobacco.
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE-nicks".
There are other names to learn such as Ahwatukee(Ah-wah-TOO-kee) but
those will be included in the advanced course.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number.
Anything less
is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler
go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second.
However, East Valley , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have
the
right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
get
you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners,
rattlesnakes, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. The Maricopa Freeway, The Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same
road. SR202 is the same road as Loop 202 and The Red Mountain Freeway.
SR51 is also known as Piestewa Parkway, but no one can pronounce
Piestewa so it is still called by its politically incorrect former name,
the Squaw Peak
Parkway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street. Jefferson becomes
Washington but they are not the same street. Loop 101 is also known as
the Pima Freeway except when it is west of I-17. I-17 is also The Black
Canyon Freeway and The Veterans Memorial Highway. The Loop 303 does not
loop anywhere. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd., but Cactus
Rd. does not become Thunderbird Rd. because it deadends at a mountain.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder
immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone,
you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If
you
return the flip, you could be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your
hands.
13. True Phoenicians ALWAYS seek to park in a shady spot, even before
the sun has risen, and no matter how far the parking space is from the
office/store/restaurant. This is why you will see cars widely scattered
around a parking lot instead of clustered in one place; these people
arrived early to park in covered spaces or under trees.
14. If the driver stopped in front of you at a red light suddenly opens
his
passenger side door, it is advisable to quickly avert your eyes before
he spits out his chewing tobacco.
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