Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the President's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina, and the VA Hospitals. But, we'll make a $500,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church could really use the money - I'll do it."
The following Sunday, President Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to all of you this morning about our President, George Bush. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated nation on earth.
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression.
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome Scandal. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars, gas prices are up 85%, which the people of America cannot afford, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from the religious right. 'He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to Dick Cheney, George W. Bush is a saint."
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A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible", says the doctor.
"Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "
No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the
third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was
pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies .Everyone agreed that
was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a
10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the
glass without spilling a drop .
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What
can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,
"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet ... ate the cookies ... drank the milk
... sh* t on the paper ... screwed the other three cats ... claimed he
injured his back while doing so ... filed a grievance report for unsafe
working conditions ... put in for Workers Compensation ... and went
home for the rest of the day on sick leave!
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1 comment:
I am a govmt worker...
I would never go home for an
afternoon...
I would go home for a week...HA
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