An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes and here is $250,000"
"Holy moses! Where did you get all this money!" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....I told you father, I became a prostitute! Sniff, sniff"
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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On the first Thursday of the month at 830pm a man walks into the pub in Dublin.
He orders three pints and proceeds to drink them slowly. One drink at a time from each glass until all are empty.
Next month first Thursday he does the same thing. As the barkeep is pourning he suggests ordering the beer one at at time to preserve the freshness.
The man pulls out his wallet and shows the barkeep a picture of three men. He tells the barkeep that the man on the left is his younger brother who left Ireland for the US two years ago to try and make his fortune. The man on the right is his older brother who joined the service and is "away". They made a pact to go to whatever pub/bar in their area on the first Thursday of every month at 830 pm (their time) and have a commerative round "together"
Well this continues for some time until one day the man comes up to the bar, the barkeep asks if he will have the usual. The man tells the barkeep to only pour two pints.
The place goes quiet, the barkeep gives him his beers and says sincerely "I think I know what this means, son, I sympathize your loss"
The man looks at the barkeep, laughs and says no, he and his brothers are all fine, its just the Lent season and he gave up alcohol.
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