Life's Explanations. . .

West Texas:

A Texas circuit rider preacher was making his rounds and as he made his way through the Pecos country he came up on a cowboy chasing a goat.

As he watched, the cowboy caught the goat and holding it by the rear legs, slides off his chaps and britches and had himself a bit of goat quivers.

The preacher was appalled and rushed into town to alert the sheriff.

When he got to town he tried the sheriff's office to find nobody home. He then went across the street to the saloon to see who he could find.

First thing he sees when he goes through the door is an old man, sitting at the first table sipping a whiskey and jacking off.

The preacher is spittin' mad. He charges up to the sheriff who's leaning at the bar
nursing a beer, and says "What kind of a place is this?!! First I see a cowboy having beastial sex in broad daylight in front of god and everybody, then I come in here and find this old coot committing self abuse in public! Aren't you gonna do something about this sickness in your community?!!"

The sheriff took a swig of his beer and said "Well, hell boy! You don't expect an old man like that to have the speed to catch a goat, do you?"
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Life is Explained

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.