Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Marines, Happy Birthday
I come in peace, I didn't bring artillery. But I am pleading with you
with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all.
Marine General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders
Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a
difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem.
Ronald Reagan, President of the United States; 1985
Marines I see as two breeds, Rottweilers or Dobermans, because Marines
come in two varieties, big and mean, or skinny and mean. They're
aggressive on the attack and tenacious on defense. They've got really
short hair and they always go for the throat.
RAdm. "Jay" R. Stark, USN; 10 November 1995
Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?
GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly, USMC near Lucy-`le-Bocage as he led the 5th Marines' attack into Belleau Wood, 6 June 1918
You'll never get a Purple Heart hiding in a foxhole! Follow me!
Capt. Henry P. Crowe, USMC; Guadalcanal, 13 January 1943
You cannot exaggerate about the Marines. They are convinced to the
point of arrogance, that they are the most ferocious fighters on earth-
and the amusing thing about it is that they are.
Father Kevin Keaney
1st Marine Division Chaplain
Korean War
I am convinced that there is no smarter, handier, or more adaptable body of troops in the world.
Prime Minister of Britain, Sir Winston Churchill
"So they've got us surrounded, good! Now we can fire in any direction, those b*****ds won't get away this time!"
CHESTY PULLER, USMC
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
What you Missed from the Infomercial
"Boehner on voting Present"
"Now, listen, I've voted 'present' two or three times in my entire
25-year political career, where there might have been a conflict of
interest and I didn't feel like I should vote," Boehner said. "In
Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button,
alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a
chicken s***.
"And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office,
behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push this yellow
button."
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Some Smart Guys
“To take from one, because it is thought his own industry and that of
his fathers has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or
whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to
violate arbitrarily the first principle of association, the guarantee
to everyone the free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired
by it.” — Thomas Jefferson, letter to Joseph Milligan, April 6, 1816
“A wise and frugal government… shall restrain men from injuring one
another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits
of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor
the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government.” — Thomas
Jefferson, First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1801
“Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare,
but only those specifically enumerated.” — Thomas Jefferson
“The moment the idea is admitted into society that property is not as
sacred as the laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and
public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence. If ‘Thou
shalt not covet’ and ‘Thou shalt not steal’ were not commandments of
Heaven, they must be made inviolable precepts in every society before
it can be civilized or made free.” — John Adams, A Defense of the
Constitutions of Government of the United States of America, 1787
“With respect to the two words ‘general welfare,’ I have always
regarded them as qualified by the detail of powers connected with them.
To take them in a literal and unlimited sense would be a metamorphosis
of the Constitution into a character which there is a host of proofs
was not contemplated by its creators.” — James Madison in a letter to
James Robertson
In 1794, when Congress appropriated $15,000 for relief of French
refugees who fled from insurrection in San Domingo to Baltimore and
Philadelphia, James Madison stood on the floor of the House to object
saying:
“I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the
Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects
of benevolence, the money of their constituents.” — James Madison, 4
Annals of Congress 179, 1794
“[T]he government of the United States is a definite government,
confined to specified objects. It is not like the state governments,
whose powers are more general. Charity is no part of the legislative
duty of the government.” — James Madison
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Thursday, September 25, 2008
Where am I????
Where Am I?A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.
If Grandpa had a Website
Nice and simple with some scanned pages to sheare with his buddies at the plant.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Finally, the question is answered
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off: grabs the sheet . . . rolls over . . . and says;
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question".
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Aging, what a Bummer
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. You are hot and sweaty.... Covered in dirt or paint.
You have
your old work clothes on. You know the outfit: shorts with the hole in
crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair
of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement
project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to
help complete the job.
In your 20s:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know -- you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
In your 30s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick, so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a
shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running
the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and
a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut is almost empty, so you
don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in
the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing
running the register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird
thinking she is spicy.
In your 50s:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror, and you swear not to
wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming, and you think you
still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's
Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms'.
In your 60s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit
off your shoes. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out of
the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but
you don't have your glasses on, so you are not sure.
In your 70s:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes.
The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of
her grandfather.
In your 80s:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember
you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying
to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who
greeted you at the front door.
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrghhh
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Hurricane Ready
Hurricane Survival Kit
Toilet Paper.........................
Bud Light.........................
Keystone Ice...........................
Budweiser.....................
Red Dog...........................
Misc. other bottles of
Piece of plywood to float your old lady
and booze on........................
SCROLL DOWN
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Ed Freeman
Ed Freeman
You're an 18 or 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded, and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley, 11-14-1965. LZ Xray, Vietnam. Your Infantry Unit is outnumbered 8 - 1, and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the MediVac helicopters to st op coming in.
You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns, and you know you're not getting out. Your family is 1/2 way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.
Then, over the machine gun noise, you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter, and you look up to see a Huey, but it doesn't seem real, because no Medi-Vac markings are on it.
Ed Freeman is coming for you. He's not Medi-Vac, so it's not his job, but he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire, after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come.
He's coming anyway.
And he drops it in, and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 2 or 3 of you on board.
Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire, to the Doctors and Nurses.
And, he kept coming back...... 13 more times..... and took about 30 of you and your buddies out, who would never have gotten out.
Medal of Honor Recipient Ed Freeman died last Wednesday at the age of 80, in Boise, ID......May God rest his soul.....
Monday, August 4, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Pickles
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill
indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Chickens
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the
other side of the road.
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right
from day one - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road
But why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the
other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as
plain and as simple as that.
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting then went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken2008. This
new platform is extremely stable and will never crash.
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
Did I miss one?
Where's my gun?
Is the Chicken black? - You know they say, dark meat is sweeter.
It's George Bushes fault that the chicken was homeless.
The chicken is being held down by the man and his oppressive practices.
We must start a dialogue with the chicken to better understand his
motives, once we reason with the chicken he will no longer wish to
cross the road. Chickens are inherently good.
It's much worse than reported. The innocent chicken was wandering across the road after being attacked by our troops.