Ooooouuccchhh!

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[ Okay, get your ass back to work. ]

Tim and Harvey

R.I.P. Mr. Kolman

Damn, that's heavy . . .

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LeBron with a Facial

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Microsoft . . .

Those lovely folks at microsoft:

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo.

He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target.

He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target.

He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the
target area... "It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at
your end!"

________________________________________________________________________________________

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick
fogbank. He becomes disoriented, and flies blindly around until he
nearly runs into the top few floors of an office building. He recovers
in time to avoid crashing, and manages to get the attention of a woman
sitting at her desk.

"Excuse me!" he yells. "Where am I?"

"You're in a helicopter," she replies.

"Thank you." says the pilot.

The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns
through the dense fog, and then does a perfect landing at the
Seattle-Tacoma airport.

"That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you figure out where you
were?" "Easy," says the pilot. "Her answer, while correct, was
absolutely useless. So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft technical
support."

Living the Under-employed life

Artie speaks:

Hey crackernuts, how's it hanging?

Well I got shit-canned from my cushy cubicle job 'cause I spen too much time oogling the young broads and the college intern chickee's in the building.

Hell how did I know they were gonna pop me for sticking the camera up there like that. or taking pictures when they were licking their swizzle sticks. you know . . . those little wood pieces of shit-for their coffee . . . speaking of wood.

Anyway, I'm now a frickin' consultant, and i work when i want, hell I even set at the typewriter naked-thinking about little wooden swizzle sticks. Take that you pompous suit wearing office wankers,

Freelancer . . . . . . . . that's me suckers, now you can all kiss my ass.

Fred and Barney, now those Were the Days.

Introducing Alicia Sacramone.

Apparently Alicia is some sort of gymnast.

Elisha Cuthbert, a very nice Bikini

Elisha Cuthbert Bikini Pictures - Pictures - The Grumpiest

Titillate

[ Courtesy; HotForWords ]

Cat Attack!

[Courtesy of Yalta from his Flickr photostream. ]

Chris Holmes is a Happy Dude

A camera's Mind

This guy is amazing, Stephon Wiltshire.

Hey, hey you, lookie here . . .

[ Listen up Shitheads . . . ]

This is Artie speakin' and you like need to check out this really cool-ass site to make you're pics look old. Even when their not old.

Understand?

Well then get crackin' numbnuts.

How does it work, your askin'? Shheeeeeeejusss dumbass, put your image in the little whit box and then click the pretty baby blue box below.

Now I gotta go choke down a 40 . . . any of you lamenut pukes got a smoke?

3 More for the Mud Gang

Roger was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
____________________________________________________________________

An oldie but a goodie – worth publishing:

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes; that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "So am I!"

"Mother Mary and begora; And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me own self!"

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

____________________________________________________________________

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.

"Hi....My name is Carmen", she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "B. J. Titsenbeer"...............

Questions That Must Be Answered

Questions That Must Be Answered
1. Can you cry underwater?
2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" ... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
3. What disease did cured ham actually have?

4. If a deaf person has to go to court, it is still called a hearing?
5. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
6. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
7. If the "Professor" on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in the boat?
8. Do the "Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?
9. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Parteee time!!!

The strippers are the Boss

Well the inmates have taken over they asylum.

[photo courtesy of Reuters.]

It had to happen sooner or later, the strippers bought the Lusty Lady in San Francisco(I'm not surprised) and run the place by "committee's", ha! what a crock. This place is gonna bomb right on it's ass . . . someday.

One of the first things the dancers did was to toss out rules about
maintaining the same body type as the day they were hired, and ones
regarding height-weight proportion. A list of acceptable hair colors
was scrapped, along with a policy regulating the quantity and location
of tattoos.

Great, it's gonna be a strip joint full of fat, hairy, smelly old broads some day, woohoo!

To me this says it all the final paragraph from the story.

"On a good day, it's like Peter Pan," said Lili Marlene. "On a bad day,
it was like Lord of the Flies. We can do whatever we want, and there's
nobody to tell us what to do."

Strippers as their own boss, hehe, ha! The world is gong to hell in a hand-basket.

An aside; if you go to this page for some pics of the "Lusties" to ooogle over, or to uh, well you know.

Guess what?

There are none. uh, huh . . . somehow I am not surprised.

Spammer name?

I got no idea in hell what this means, so go check it out.

My spammer name is Choirmaster D. Pediatrician.

Enter your name to get yours:

Killacycle

Man, you can see this coming . . . .