signed 'fracken' documents

Crazy Gymnastics

http://view.break.com/520928 - Watch more free videos

Couple of so-so jokes.

SEX AFTER DEATH....

A COUPLE MADE A DEAL THAT WHOEVER DIED FIRST WOULD COME BACK AND INFORM THE OTHER OF THE AFTERLIFE. THEIR BIGGEST FEAR WAS THAT THERE WAS NO AFTERLIFE.

AFTER A LONG LIFE, THE HUSBAND WAS THE FIRST TO GO...AND TRUE TO HIS WORD, HE MADE CONTACT,...

"MARY...MARY."

IS THAT YOU, WENDELL?

YES, I'VE COME BACK LIKE WE AGREED.

WHAT'S IT LIKE?

WELL, MARY, I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I HAVE SEX. I HAVE BREAKFAST, OFF TO THE GOLF COURSE, I HAVE SEX. I BATHE IN THE SUN, AND THEN I HAVE SEX TWICE.

I HAVE LUNCH, ANOTHER ROMP AROUND THE GOLF COURSE, THEN SEX PRETTY MUCH ALL AFTERNOON. AFTER SUPPER, TO THE GOLF COURSE AGAIN; THEN I HAVE SEX UNTIL LATE AT NIGHT. THE NEXT DAY IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.

OH, WENDELL...YOU SURELY MUST BE IN HEAVEN!

WELL NOT EXACTLY MARY...I'M A RABBIT ON A GOLF COURSE IN ARIZONA

___________________________________________________________________

It Started Out

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my significant other about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau, Voltaire, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, 'What is it exactly we are doing here?' One day the boss called me in. He said, 'Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another place of employment.'

This gave me more to contemplate. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. 'Honey,' I confessed, 'I've been thinking...'

'I know you've been thinking,' she said, 'and I am leaving you!'

'But Honey, surely it's not that serious.'

'It is serious,' she said, lower lip aquiver. 'You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!'

'That's a faulty syllogism,' I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. 'I'm going to the library,' I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with Michael Savage on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, 'Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?' it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non- educational video; last week it was 'American Idol'.

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...I became a DEMOCRAT.

Don't be Careless

The Funniest Joke

The Monthy Python skit about the "Funniest Joke in the World", it runs 9:44

Ooooouuccchhh!

http://view.break.com/509190 - Watch more free videos
[ Okay, get your ass back to work. ]

Tim and Harvey

R.I.P. Mr. Kolman

Damn, that's heavy . . .

Powered by ScribeFire.

LeBron with a Facial

Powered by ScribeFire.

Microsoft . . .

Those lovely folks at microsoft:

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo.

He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target.

He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target.

He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the
target area... "It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at
your end!"

________________________________________________________________________________________

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick
fogbank. He becomes disoriented, and flies blindly around until he
nearly runs into the top few floors of an office building. He recovers
in time to avoid crashing, and manages to get the attention of a woman
sitting at her desk.

"Excuse me!" he yells. "Where am I?"

"You're in a helicopter," she replies.

"Thank you." says the pilot.

The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns
through the dense fog, and then does a perfect landing at the
Seattle-Tacoma airport.

"That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you figure out where you
were?" "Easy," says the pilot. "Her answer, while correct, was
absolutely useless. So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft technical
support."

Living the Under-employed life

Artie speaks:

Hey crackernuts, how's it hanging?

Well I got shit-canned from my cushy cubicle job 'cause I spen too much time oogling the young broads and the college intern chickee's in the building.

Hell how did I know they were gonna pop me for sticking the camera up there like that. or taking pictures when they were licking their swizzle sticks. you know . . . those little wood pieces of shit-for their coffee . . . speaking of wood.

Anyway, I'm now a frickin' consultant, and i work when i want, hell I even set at the typewriter naked-thinking about little wooden swizzle sticks. Take that you pompous suit wearing office wankers,

Freelancer . . . . . . . . that's me suckers, now you can all kiss my ass.

Fred and Barney, now those Were the Days.

Introducing Alicia Sacramone.

Apparently Alicia is some sort of gymnast.

Elisha Cuthbert, a very nice Bikini

Elisha Cuthbert Bikini Pictures - Pictures - The Grumpiest

Titillate

[ Courtesy; HotForWords ]

Cat Attack!

[Courtesy of Yalta from his Flickr photostream. ]

Chris Holmes is a Happy Dude

A camera's Mind

This guy is amazing, Stephon Wiltshire.

Hey, hey you, lookie here . . .

[ Listen up Shitheads . . . ]

This is Artie speakin' and you like need to check out this really cool-ass site to make you're pics look old. Even when their not old.

Understand?

Well then get crackin' numbnuts.

How does it work, your askin'? Shheeeeeeejusss dumbass, put your image in the little whit box and then click the pretty baby blue box below.

Now I gotta go choke down a 40 . . . any of you lamenut pukes got a smoke?

3 More for the Mud Gang

Roger was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
____________________________________________________________________

An oldie but a goodie – worth publishing:

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes; that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "So am I!"

"Mother Mary and begora; And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me own self!"

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

____________________________________________________________________

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.

"Hi....My name is Carmen", she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "B. J. Titsenbeer"...............