signed 'fracken' documents

Crazy Gymnastics

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Couple of so-so jokes.

SEX AFTER DEATH....

A COUPLE MADE A DEAL THAT WHOEVER DIED FIRST WOULD COME BACK AND INFORM THE OTHER OF THE AFTERLIFE. THEIR BIGGEST FEAR WAS THAT THERE WAS NO AFTERLIFE.

AFTER A LONG LIFE, THE HUSBAND WAS THE FIRST TO GO...AND TRUE TO HIS WORD, HE MADE CONTACT,...

"MARY...MARY."

IS THAT YOU, WENDELL?

YES, I'VE COME BACK LIKE WE AGREED.

WHAT'S IT LIKE?

WELL, MARY, I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I HAVE SEX. I HAVE BREAKFAST, OFF TO THE GOLF COURSE, I HAVE SEX. I BATHE IN THE SUN, AND THEN I HAVE SEX TWICE.

I HAVE LUNCH, ANOTHER ROMP AROUND THE GOLF COURSE, THEN SEX PRETTY MUCH ALL AFTERNOON. AFTER SUPPER, TO THE GOLF COURSE AGAIN; THEN I HAVE SEX UNTIL LATE AT NIGHT. THE NEXT DAY IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.

OH, WENDELL...YOU SURELY MUST BE IN HEAVEN!

WELL NOT EXACTLY MARY...I'M A RABBIT ON A GOLF COURSE IN ARIZONA

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It Started Out

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my significant other about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau, Voltaire, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, 'What is it exactly we are doing here?' One day the boss called me in. He said, 'Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another place of employment.'

This gave me more to contemplate. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. 'Honey,' I confessed, 'I've been thinking...'

'I know you've been thinking,' she said, 'and I am leaving you!'

'But Honey, surely it's not that serious.'

'It is serious,' she said, lower lip aquiver. 'You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!'

'That's a faulty syllogism,' I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. 'I'm going to the library,' I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with Michael Savage on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, 'Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?' it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non- educational video; last week it was 'American Idol'.

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...I became a DEMOCRAT.

Don't be Careless

The Funniest Joke

The Monthy Python skit about the "Funniest Joke in the World", it runs 9:44